Philip Dayton Thorpe

“I told you this would happen.”

Philip Dayton Thorpe, born in Salt Lake City, April 1, 1934, to Ward R. & Phyllis Dayton Thorpe, and whose birth probably marked the beginning of April Fools’ Day, died April 10, 2018, from causes related to life-long obesity and sleeping standing up.  His grave marker will read “This corpse, is Phil Thorpe’s.”  

Clod, as he was called even by those who knew his name, lived such a boring life that watching paint dry caused him to hyperventilate. His accomplishments will be published at a later date, if any are discovered. He served as an artillery officer in the U.S. Army. Canada wouldn’t take him because, so they said, they don’t go to war much up there.  He served 3 missions for the LDS Church but they stopped sending him because he always came back.  He picked up 3 University degrees along the way, two of which he had to return.  

He was superceded in death by several billion people and is survived by his beloved wife of 55 years, Linda (Bird).  She knew that she had married way beneath herself as they honeymooned at the SL County land-fill.  She gave him six wonderful children—one at a time: Devin (Gail), Tiffany (Henry) Black, Natalie (John) Child, Jeremy (Angela), Bricker (Bridgett), and Christian (Ciara). They, in turn, provided 7 grandchildren, Dayton, Adam, Avery, Allie, Katlyn, Emerson and Sophie, along with 7 step-grandchildren, Riachle, Reagen, Courtney, Catie, Markessa (David), Alyssa (Eric) and Dalton, and 5 step-great grandchildren Alexander, Israel, Natalia, Yesenia and Avayha-Lynne.  Also, his younger brother Scott (Kathy) Thorpe, sisters Shanna Baggaley and Patricia (Dick) Winzenried, all outlived him. 

In keeping with one of society’s morbid mores, there will be a wee wake Sunday evening for twenty minutes and for six minutes before the funeral the following day. The price of admission to each of these events is one can of food, for his wife to whom he left nearly nothing. Burial will be in his backyard beside the dog his wife would never let him have. 

Please don’t send flowers. If you have a rush of generosity, then please just give to your favorite charity. Tell them Phil sent you.

The above was composed by our beloved Philip in his classic self-deprecating, hilarious fashion. We extend a heartfelt invitation to his friends, family, and missionaries to the funeral services on Monday, April 16, 2018 at 11:00 AM at the Cottonwood 4th & 7th Ward Chapel, 5565 S Neighbor Lane (1600 E.), SLC, the very same chapel where he served as Bishop. Viewings will be held Sunday evening, April 15, 2018 from 6-8:00 PM at the Holbrook Mortuary, 3251 S 2300 E, SLC and at the church Monday, from 9:30-10:30 AM prior to the service. Interment will follow at the Holladay Memorial Cemetery. Guestbook to post messages and tributes for the family available at: HolbrookMortuary.com.

Funeral service audio. Available until July 15, 2018.